How McDonald's Makes Their Fries (Subtitles on or Description Follow Along for Extra Fun :-)) - Video

Excerpt from our video: What's So Special About McDonald's Fries? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R_Z7ysT2SM

But going back to explicitly how the McDonald’s fries are made, no potato paste required. And, in fact, McDonald’s states they don’t even use GMO potatoes, opting for mostly non-GMO shepody, pentland dell, and varieties of russet for their glorious golden sticks of goodness.

So, starting with the innocent potato, beyond using a rather sophisticated Automatic Defect Removal equipment to get rid of any potatoes and fries that aren’t sexy enough, in a nutshell, much like when first entering prison, if Shawshank Redemption has taught me anything, the previously living potatoes are first stripped naked, in this case via having their flesh peeled from their bodies via a steam peeler. They are then subjected to high pressure water spray on their now exposed innards, during which the 65 mph or so water cannon they find themselves in forces the tubers through a cutter grate for maximal potato mutilation.

After this, Byron Hadley then insults them and their mothers for maximal psychological damage. They are then blanched and dipped in dextrose and sodium acid pyrophosphate, with, again, the ends of making sure the potato doesn't turn a rather unappetizing gray color on the latter sodium acid pyrophosphate, and on the former dextrose to make sure you get a consistent golden color in the end product regardless of the time of year and slight variance in crop, and across all McDonald's throughout the world. McDonald’s also states the blanching, besides imparting an extra bit of sadistic torture for our innocent potato friends, helps soften their innards for better texture when mashed in our food holes.

From here, the strips of potato flesh are dried and then the beef flavoring and other such of the aforementioned ingredients are added when the remnants of the potatoes’ broken and mutilated bodies are dipped in insanely hot oil for an approximately 1 minute pre-fry. No doubt wondering when it will all just end, at this point the fried potato flesh is flash frozen while traveling along about a 50 meter track running through a freezing tunnel. From here, they are packaged and sent to restaurants the world over.

Once at the restaurant, they are fried up in the same special blend of vegetable oil and beef flavoring again, salted, served, and shortly thereafter their lives flash before their eyes one final time as they are placed in your top food sphincter, mashed up and mixed with your mouth juices, and then massaged by your esophageal muscles until they find their way to your internal food processing sack, where they are treated to an acid bath. After this, their nutrients are sucked from their ground up flesh into your system… All leaving their final sad remains to be combined with the internal waste produced as a result of our pointless lives. Finally, this all combines to make the excrement that is pushed out your bottom food sphincter and flushed down the toilet, much like you did with all your potential and opportunities in life, Jimmy.